The most amazing thing about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen — and it is an amazing movie, in ways both dazzling and repellent — is that something so outrageously gigantic finally leaves so little an impression. Never have such quantities of money, hardware, technology and fathomlessly complicated logistics been marshaled to produce an experience so fleeting and ephemeral.

This is not to underestimate the brutal power of that experience. Submitting to this mega-spectacular is an invitation to rock your body, liquefy your brain and sacrifice your soul to the godhead of Hollywood shock and awe.

There’s no question that the movie achieves its primitive aim — an overwhelming vision of technological supremacy — nor that this vision has been executed with astonishing audio-visual sophistication by legions of technicians, designers, animators and crew.

But when the lights go up, and you stagger back to reality, all that remains is a vague sense of having been relentlessly stimulated for close to three hours, as if by a low-grade electrical shock.

Indeed, Revenge of the Fallen might be compared to torture, not in the colloquial sense of being “painful” to watch, but rather insofar as it reduces both subject and spectator to the status of objects. The film is profoundly inhuman — mechanized not only in terms of the alien robots who rampage through its narrative but in regard to its ostensibly human characters.

Shia LaBeouf reprises his role as Sam Witwicky, an all-American boy next door plunged into an ancient intergalactic feud between the benevolent Autobots and the apocalyptic Decepticons. Having survived the first round of combat, which banished Decepticon leader Megatron to the bottom of the ocean, Sam prepares to leave for college.

What this portends for his relationship to his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) — here introduced splayed over a motorcycle in her Daisy Dukes — comprises the “human interest” angle of the story.

Such unabashed misogyny and racism are byproducts of a vision totally invested in the thrill of technological warfare. As reported by Variety, Revenge of the Fallen was produced with unprecedented cooperation from the armed forces. In exchange for providing the filmmakers with battalions of war machines, the military has been granted an extravagant recruiting commercial.

No surprise, then, that the movie stages its climactic engagement in the Middle East. The story entails the efforts of the fallen Decepticons to rise by extracting a set of glyphs implanted in Sam’s brain — don’t ask — and thereby reactivating an ancient weapon cached in one of the great pyramids of Giza.

Thus does Revenge of the Fallen stage the giddiest destruction of ancient relics since the Taliban toppled the Buddhas of Bamiyan, as great chunks of Egyptian antiquity are shattered in the climactic showdown between the Autobots and the Decepticons

At this point, some two hours into the assault, Revenge of the Fallen has decidedly run out of gas, though it keeps right on trucking — and smashing and shooting and colliding and bombing and exploding. Imagining the carbon footprint of this mega-movie is more head-spinning than anything onscreen.

its rated pg-13 for some breif action and violence and some sexual themes so careful who u bring to the movies with u i found it to be very intense.


3 responses to “TRANSFORMERS!!!

  1. Wow! caleb thts a long reveiw…it was too much to read…for me. lol. so i didnt fiinish it..haha…how pathetic is tht

  2. lol i read it caleb…and i was right. You SOOO should be a critic when you get older. I had to look it over a few times because i thought it was a real thing. Like a real review from perfessionals. lol your sooo funny caleb…like a lil man. Well i guess your not little your taller than i am i think. but still. heehee laters.
    the STRANGER DANGER dont lock your doors

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